Previously, on Denver Nuggets Days of Our Lives:
Brian was put in charge of the crew, but was shunned and shamed when he was voted off the mountain. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Ty was driving when he... Eh, maybe this soap opera is going to hit a little too close to home.
Yeah, it's been that sort of a year.
When I was a kid, my mom would always be watching Days of Our Lives when I got home from school. I'd tease her mercilessly, but admit I got to a point I knew who Bo and Hope were... and maybe a few more. Over those years of soap osmosis, I learned a few things about the elements of a good over-dramatized drama... and realized last night in the midst of another mini-crisis what a soap opera the last two seasons have been. Here's a few roles we've handed out in the last couple years.
The Villain. Every soap needs a good villain or four, and especially one who comes from out of nowhere... that everyone trusted. By the time he was unceremoniously dumped by Denver, Brian Shaw had been villainized by everyone within four tangents of the Denver Nuggets. The only thing that might have pushed him further would have been a long pencil-thin moustache that he twirled while tying several Denver Nuggets Dancers to a railroad track.
The Fallen Golden Boy. In the soaps, the guy at the top of the heap has to fall, and fall far. Ty Lawson's uneven play, run-ins with the law and troubles with the team have slowly tarnished what started as a shiny star in Denver basketball. In the soaps, the hero usually gets to redeem himself after a tragic turn. Let's hope the last 150 games was a turn tragic enough.
The Hot Chick. Eesh, this one was a little tougher. Usually flowing locks, smoldering eyes, a bit of an accent... a raggedy beard... wait, no... sorry. But if the Nuggets have a "Hot Chick", Danilo Gallinari fills the bill. Probably the one guy on the team most everyone else (other teams) would want to date, and always leave you a little breathless, even when nothing much happened on screen. Plus, Gallo's the only guy I'd want to say "torrid" about on this team.
The Hero. Oftentimes, the hero is some form of "the new Sherriff in town", and Melvin Hunt has certainly filled that role, in guiding the Nuggets not only to a 6-3 record in his nine games, but out of the darkness as well. No soap opera is interesting without a little drama, though, and even Hunt has had his moments as he's bristled a bit at rotations outside his purview.
The Plotting Plantation Owner. Or whoever the in-control rich guy in town is who pulls all the strings, and never lets his true intentions be known. While Josh Kroenke certainly qualifies for all of the above, the entire Front Office's communication habits have come into question a number of times over the last couple years, and have certainly made for some interesting speculation and confounding conclusions.
The Jealous and Crazy Other Woman. Constantly confusing in word and deed, with a nearly bi-polar approach to situations. Says one thing, does the opposite, and generally sucks the life out of every situation she's near. I'd go into detail, but... Hello, Arron Afflalo.
The Crazy Self-Obsessed Hippy Chick. Let's just say she often has dreadlocks. Probably simple enough math there.
The Mysterious Stranger. Hmmm... Simply out of sheer time on the squad, step forward, Will Barton!
The New Kid. In the soaps, the new kid tends to make a big splash, and steals a lot of the other guys' thunder out of the gates. Seems a perfect fit for Jusuf Nurkic.
The Strong Silent Guy. No contest, Wilson Chandler.
You see where this is going, and can play along below. A great soap opera has infighting. Check. Backbiting. Check. Drama. Check. Overwrought self-importance. Check. Tragedy, (unintentional) comedy, and confusion. Check, check, and check. Every character must create drama and tension. Hell, even our "strong silent guy" said the team was "setting us up for failure" a few nights back. There's been contention at every turn, even amongst the fans of the soap, er... team... Things even got a little chippy amongst the Stiffs faithful over the year. It's been a tumultuous ride.
But a bumpy ride often makes for the most compelling drama. It's had us hooked, even as we pull our hair out. So... grab some popcorn, a box of Kleenex, and hang on. Another episode of the only soap I ever watched is on tonight. Go crazy, go postal, but GO NUGGETS!