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It's not you, it's me

Taking a moment and a deep breath from Free Agency Madness. Because, who knows... LeBron's aunt's gardner saw a truck that said "Bron" on the back, and that surely... augh.

Chris Covatta

Look, these last few days have been fun, NBA Free Agency. And it's not that I'm breaking up with you... I just think I need a little space, because our relationship thus far has been tumultuous, and filled with rumor and innuendo. LeBron thinks this team is cute, but is listening to the other suitors. Carmelo thinks he may be bi. Coastal, that is. Chris Bosh wanted to commit, but found that someone else thinks he's even hotter. I'm three layers deep in he-said/she-said, and I think we should just take a moment to breathe and consider what we want, Free Agency. And put the bunny down, please.

I don't know if you heard, but Chandler is totally flirting with this rich guy and his German friend. And if Houston doesn't give him something nice soon, he may just go off with Dallas. But Houston is the one trying to get Chris to dump his Heat anyway.

I'm just so confused.

Meanwhile, we at a Mile High are so high that we don't know if we've found Love, even want Love, or simply had broken down so badly last year that we finally decided to call AAA. Someone said that we might be bringing Mike Miller around, but he'd only make a couple of other guys jealous, and maybe it's all just to find real true Love anyway. Maybe just spare me the drama for a whole day, so I can... wait, what? LeBron's about to say something that will make this whole Free-Agency-Jenga make sense?

OK, just one more date. Someplace with a bar.

How are we surviving the mills of rumor and grist today, Stiffs?