FanPost

Al Harrington, the true definition of a warrior.


Oh Al,  I know you get such a  bad rap on this website,  and I know you don't deserve it,  you are such a goofy guy, and you never take anything too seriously,  you are a man who is in conflict,  you realize what is happening with your brand new team,  they have lost their go to man,  they have lost Melo.   However  you know what is on the line,  you know that someone on the team needs to step up and be the go to leader.  Then WHAM you have an epiphany..

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Al Harrington's epiphany.

 

You realize something,   you are the man, the GO TO man,  you are going to lead this team to the championship,  even if it means layering bricks upon bricks, because lets face it,  without bricks,  the 3rd pig simply gets eaten by the wolf.   By that logic,  you also understand that you are obviously the best player on the team because you have more points in your legendary career than any of these youngin's.   So what if you have been to 5 teams in your career, that is still more than most players have been on in their entire career, so that is just one of the billions of things  you bring to the table, among other things, which I will show you AFTER THE JUMP!

Welcome for those who dared to take the Jump with me,  where lardy burgers and sweaty headbands sink their moldy stench through wooden desks and muster up a smell only as musky as Al Harrington's forehead(or multiple foreheads,  as rumored because no one has actually seen Al Harrington's forehead) as we examine exactly why Al Harrington deserves 5,000,000  dollars every year.

 

1.  Defense

 

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This is called the "make scary faces at white guy" tactic, Al is obviously replicating  a T-rex.

 

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This is the "hey, I used to be the best player on the Knicks myself!" tactic, followed by a "please don't drive to the basket on me"  pat on the shoulder gesture.

 

People often criticize Al for being just too slow,  he can't defend smaller guards and forwards because they can run circles around him, and that he can't defend bigger players because he is too fat and can't bang and STILL is slower than most big guys.  I say nonsense,  Al does not need no stinkin defense,  Al simply is the last person down the court to play defense because he is an expert at the cherry pick strategy, so what  if he is cherry picking and he gets a pass from half court after the other team scores,  when he goes to the basket with the ball thinking it will be an easy cherry pick, all the other players have already beat him to the other side of the court, again.

 

2. Offense

 

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I am going to take a guess and say he doesn't make this shot

 

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"FINALLY, I have beaten someone off the dribble, who cares if it's a 60 year old Juwan howard!"

 

Al Harrington is always going to consistently score 13-15 points a game every year,  he can carry this offensive momentum for another 8 years!  Wait, he is averaging 10 points per game this year on 42 % FG you say?  Well, when was the last time he scored that much per year?  2000-2001 you say?  Well I suppose every player regresses eventually, at least we will have him for five more years!    No player stands around the 3 point line doing nothing but wait for the ball to come in his hands to clank off the rim better than him, so what if  J.R Smith is wide open on the perimeter ,  ball movement is for stinkin college teams!

 

3. Athleticism

 

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BFF <3   

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Well, now we know where most of the money is going to.

 

This is self explainitory,   Al Harrington is a finally tuned athlete, so what if he is playing through a foot injury, it takes guts to go out there and throw brick after brick and not do anything else on either side of the court,  that takes commitment,  say what you want about him,  but the man is a warrior.  Yea, there is a big Russian who could play, and a player who has shown he can ball when he has minutes in Gary Forbes,  but Al Harrington has scored more points than any player on the Nuggets roster in the NBA , and that is why George Karl plays him before those players, how can you argue with that kind of logic?  You can't, because George Karl and logic is like trying to divide by zero.


4.  The Intangibles

 

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Al Harringtons ghetto shoe line, Al don't need no stinkin Laces!

 

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The Guy everyone confuses with Al Jefferson, er I mean Little Foot, er I mean whoever the hell this dinosaur is.

 

So what if the guy is an offensive minded player only, who can't rebound or defend,  when you are an offensive player and your PER is 11.6  which is 3 points below Demar Derozan (WHO?!), that is truly a sign that you ARE the man to take this Nuggets team to the promise land,   because it takes more than a team with a bunch of depth to win games, it takes an ALL STAR, never mind that the Nuggets are winning without an All-star,  that is incredibly irrelevant.

 

In conclusion Harrington is a true warrior, we don't need to trade him so we can sign Kenyon Martin to the MLE, Harrington does everything Kenyon has over Kenyons 7 year, 500 million dollar contract,  namely he is non-existent on the floor as well.

 

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This is him without the headband.

 

 

Let us commemorate the next Denver Stiffs hall of famer, he deserves it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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